This is a very personal rant. You don't have to read it!

I have not seen the "official" episode yet (BBCAmerica shows it tonight) but I have seen enough to know that, as usual, it will leave a bitter aftertaste. The Jack part of the "goodbye" could not have been more dismissive and contemptous if RTD had thought it out for a month of Sundays. So the Doctor breaks all sort of rules in order to say goodbye to his Companions (not crossing your own timeline, anyone?), but all he can do for Jack is to find him a new fucktoy?

Look. In spite of some of the things I write, I am far beyond the age of stupid romanticism. I understand that an immortal man with an mortal lover will at some point move on -- it doesn't make sense for him not to unless he's a walking nervous breakdown for all eternity. But the way it was done in this instance made me realize that for RTD (and by extension, the Doctor) Jack was a throwaway person. The Companion that sacrificed the most for the Doctor is treated like crap.

All RTD had to do was simply have the Doctor walk up to Jack at the bar and say "you have been doing this for too long, Jack. It's time to live again." It would have given me the impression that Jack had actually grieved for his losses and that the Doctor respected that. Instead you get the implication that only a few months have passed, but that the Doctor thinks so little of Jack that he thinks all Jack needs to do to heal is forget about Ianto and his grandson and the betrayal by the Doctor who couldn't be bothered to get off his arse and try to help him, and move on to another pretty face. Hey, fucktoys are exchangeable, right?

Barrowman does the best he can, bless him. The look of confusion and the tentative way he starts to flirt -- almost like, all right, practice run here, what am I doing? makes me think he understood how bad it could be perceived. But it can't salvage the scene.

I have seen some comments about how wonderful it is that Jack has moved on, and I fully expect to be seeing Jack/Alonso fiction soon. In fact, I think most of the fandom will move on, leaving a small group of dedicated Jack/Ianto fans behind. And I suppose it's the nature of the beast, and it's all right. As for me, well, I write these stories for myself, and whoever wants to read them.

Because, to paraphrase Ianto in CoE, for me, it was never about two men. It was about Jack and Ianto. It was about them. It's always about them.

The sad part is that I'm afraid to watch the next DW. I'm afraid of wanting too much or maybe that it will be too different and too strange. All the characters I know and loved are gone. There will be no continuity. There can't be, not after this. The Who Universe that had dragged me back into fandom after twenty years is gone. I will watch Doctor Who, and will find many things to love about it, but at bottom it will be a melancholy exercise.

And Doctor Who had always been about joy and adventure before.